Wait, Is That What Happened?!: When Healing Pushes Memories from the Subconscious to the Surface
“You’re sitting in your regularly scheduled therapy session, talking to your therapist about something you either thought you already processed or didn’t consider deeply before and suddenly…a memory surfaces.
It’s vivid, detailed, and disorienting.
You think and ask yourself, “Is that what happened?”
As a therapist, this is one of the initial “AHA” moments that lets me know that connections are being made and the person sitting in front of me is deeply connecting to the experience they are working through. It is an honor and privilege as a therapist to see; It is a signal that we are moving in the direction of the goals that my client is hoping for.
Our brains are incredibly powerful and do everything in its power to protect us and help us move forward in our day to day lives. In its attempt, the brain may store memories outside of our conscious memory. The brain does not forget entirely, its storing memories in a different spot since a frequent reminder would be incredibly dysregulating.
However, healing changes this pattern. When our brains and bodies begin to feel grounded and brave, the brain starts to release what was previously tucked away. This doesn’t just happen in the therapy room. It can happen in our friend groups, in personal reflection (like prayer or meditation), or even in our families or trusted elders.
The “Wait, is that what happened?!” moment is usually a signal that tells you that your nervous system is ready to take on and process what It couldn’t do before. The books and research support this, and It is important that we validate It (Haeyen, 2024).
For many of us who are children of immigrants or first generation Americans, we often feel this in a much deeper way; embodying narratives from our families that center sacrifice, survival, and respect rather than emotional processing. When this happens, we can begin to see how love and harm coexisted, and for many, It can feel like we are betraying our families or cultures by naming the pain we experienced.
Just know, you are not.
You are simply allowing your truth to exist amongst all the many other experiences that can be just as true at the same time. Healing doesn’t mean we are rejecting our heritage or pain, It means there is room for our experience and the experiences of our families of origin to both be true at the same time.
When I notice my clients are moving memories from the subconscious to conscious memory ,It is a signal of healing in my clinical opinion. Some of the ways It presents is as:
Vivid dreams about the past
Strong emotions attached to past memories
There’s a sense of feeling incomplete or “off” without knowing why
You notice patterns that track back farther than you realized, especially in your daily habits and/or relationships
When you notice these things happen, It is important to:
Take a moment, pause, and take a deep belly breath. Allow the breath to fully fill your belly by breathing in through your nose, and allow yourself to exhale out of your mouth fully; letting all the air out from that breath.
Not rush, allow the memory to come, and allow yourself to move through It fully.
Practice replenishment: whether its eating, listening to music, praying or meditating, or speaking to your community, be sure to replenish and take care of yourself.
Take the time to talk your individual therapist about this. Your therapist can help you work through such an experience and support you. Don’t have a therapist yet? Check out our team to see if someone could be a good fit!
